Journal

Spring 2006

This time of year is usually Launch Party time – but this year, I just didn’t feel like having one. I’m ever so proud of Home Truths but it was written at a time when shitty things were happening and it felt inappropriate to have an unabashed knees-up. 2005 had it’s ups and downs for me. I lost two people very special to me, to cancer. My father-in-law, David Sutcliffe, died in May and my beautiful friend Liz Berney died on Christmas Eve. They both loved coming to my launch parties – Liz in particular had a very entertaining knack of upstaging me on my big night. I just don’t feel like partying at the mo’.
Liz was perhaps the most sociable – and widely loved – person I’ve ever met. She made friends with such ease and people gravitated to her because she was such fun, so energetic and daffy and sensitive and kind. She was a member of a reading group – though she was usually far too busy and scatty to ever actually read the book in discussion! One time, she picked my 5th book, Fen, as her choice for the group. Sure enough, an hour or so before the group was due to gather, Liz phoned me for the low-down on the plot, the characters…and the ending!
I am a member of a reading group too, though the books usually take a backseat to the M&S comfort-food and free-flowing wine. However, I did choose Love Rules for my group – because I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve been grilled about my work, or been able to hear differing opinions about it. Luckily, the girls were gentle with me – and all had enjoyed it (or so they said). In the autumn, I was a guest speaker at the South Tyneside Readers Day. This was similar to book group in that the audience had been given the book in advance. It was really stimulating for me – the readers knew the work inside out and made some really cogent points. In my group there were around 30 readers and the average age was probably pensionable…but Lordy what a feisty bunch! On occasion the air turned quite blue in our seminar room!
Also in the autumn, we launched Ladies Night – the last of the ‘Girls Night In’ anthologies that I’ve been involved with. I must say, I DETEST writing short stories – I find them sooooo difficult. How on earth can I cram a beginning, a middle and an end into just 3,500 words? I’d much rather have 125,000 words and 12 months to play with….
Home Truths was an a difficult book to write. For the first time in 8 books, I found the actual process really arduous. I won’t give anything away, but suffice it to say, Django is poorly. I suppose, the fact that life was imitating art, whilst I was writing, made it psychologically rather draining. In addition,
Love Rules was such a cinch to write – honestly, I would sit at my keyboard and feel little more than my characters’ typist – as if the entire book was being dictated to me. In contrast, Home Truths was actually more of a slog. Three heroines to juggle, sad things befalling them, characters I know so well but could not assume that all readers would know them too. I am proud of the end result and hope you’ll like it.
Now I’m raring to go with the ninth novel, about a jeweller called Petra Flint who sleepwalks, about a beautiful tanzanite passed down to her, about a musician called Arlo Savidge whom she once knew when she was a school girl….I can’t wait to see where this book takes me! I’ll keep you posted.
On the home front, my children fill my days (and usually hourly intervals during the nights) with their madcap chatter and beautiful view of the world. Felix started school locally and loves it. He has some wonderful little pals and the teachers are magnificent. There isn’t a uniform but Awful Mummy thinks there should be so I bought Felix a set of dark blue trousers and sweatshirts and light blue aertex shirts etc. Luckily Felix has little interest in sartorial matters and is happy to wear what ever I leave out for him. He doesn’t seem to notice that all his pals are in Spiderman tops and Timberland boots while he’s in John Lewis navy and sensible clumpy Start-Rite.
Georgia is a different matter. We have big battles where colour-coordination is concerned…and apparently sandals in midwinter and dressing-gowns worn over mermaid-costumes are open to discussion! She’s very very funny and very feisty too. She and Felix are chalk and cheese but they are no.1 in each other’s fan club. Sometimes I come across them simply sitting in the bedroom holding hands listening to an audio book, or lolling over each other in front of the TV.
A relatively new four-legged addition to the family is the very gorgeous Nathan. I went back to my riding a couple of years ago after a three year break. At that time, I tried to be all nonchalant with my old trainer, Souki - about how I wasn’t going to get emotionally involved and how I just wanted to ride when I felt like it and was no longer bothered with grooming and bonding etc. Souki humoured me. New to her yard was a very young Irish Sports horse who’d only just been backed. I rode him and of course fell in love with him though I was still playing the aloof card...until the day she told me someone else was coming to try him out. I couldn’t text her fast enough to say “I’ll have him”! So, the little-horse-with-no-name became Nathan (don’t ask – I don’t know…he just looks like a Nathan) and he’s a superstar. I’m not doing any competing this time – just enjoying him with no agenda. We’ve been doing lots of Natural Horsemanship which is so incredibly eye-opening and rewarding and I’ve really enjoyed doing Parelli courses as well as seeing Mark Rashid when he came over to the UK last winter.
Felix and Georgia love coming up to the yard as it is the one place in the whole wide world where they’re allowed to tread in poo. They put on their wellies and run to the muck heap saying “can we jump on this poo, Mummy?” They also think Nathan is madder than Mad Jack McMad because he eats his apples with the skin on AND the pips in one big gobble.
So, 2006 looks like it’ll be as manic as 2005. My daily routine is to take Felix to school, drop Georgia at nursery, peg it up to the yard to school Nathan, bomb back home to collect Georgia, change out of my minging jodhpurs, zoom off to the library, do 3 hours work before collecting Felix, do another three hours work until it’s bath-time, story-time and then, good lord, it’s already nine-o-clock news time!
I want to take this opportunity to say that I hope 2006 will be a year of health and happiness for my loved ones. And for you lot. And I want to say, to the women who are reading this page, please please please look after your health. Don’t take it for granted. We all think we do the right thing because we buy organic food and keep fit and don’t overindulge. But if your GP writes to you and says your smear is due, please go. Please. Do it for my lovely friend Liz.

2004/2005

Blimey, a year’s worth of news to update you with… how on earth can I do this in less than the length of a novel? Well, I suppose I’m lucky that, because I’m now just a boring old frumpy mum, I have relatively little scandal and skulduggery to recount. Rather than give you a month by month breakdown, perhaps I’ll tell you about the key people in my life.
     Felix was 3 in April. He is a trainspotter. I don’t mean he simply likes trains. I mean he is a true obsessive. With a nice navy anorak with a train badge on it for proof. He knows his coupling pins from his connector rods, his tenders from his flanges, his branch lines from his overhead cables. In fact, you’ll often find us at Alexandra Park station on a Sunday morning standing on the platform with Felix waving to the trains as they make their way to and from King’s Cross. A big hullo to any of you who travel the Route of the Flying Scotsman who wave back. Also a big hullo to any of you who frequent Cassiobury Park in Watford. Yes, Felix is the kid who simply never gets off the Miniature Railway – in fact, I’m hoping they’ll bring in season tickets… He’s also cost me a small fortune in Brio wooden track and the Thomas the Tank Engine characters made by Learning Curve. I’m sure we now have the definitive collection – all bar Fergus and also the Smelting Yard – though Felix informs me these will be available early next year. At least I know what to buy him for his birthday… Such is Felix’s passion – and off-by-heart knowledge of Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends - that he changes his name on a daily basis according to which engine he feels he is that day. Today he is Murdoch. Yesterday he was Rheneas. Tomorrow he says he’ll be Peter Sam. He calls me Emily (because she’s the posh green engine). He calls his father Skarloey (because he’s ancient). However, when it comes to his little sister Georgia, he likes to call her Nicole. “Why Nicole, Felix?” I asked, “I don’t think the Rev. Awdry wrote about an engine called Nicole?” Felix looked at me as if I was dim. “No – she’s not an engine, Mummy,” he explained, as if to a dim wit, “I call her Nicole because she has short legs.”
     Georgia does not, I hasten to add, have short legs for her age. She is now 21 months old and sweet as pie. She’s incredibly feisty and chatters nineteen to the dozen. She toddles around with her hands on her hips, occasionally breaking into a spontaneous song-and-dance routine. She’s endearingly strong-willed. Sometimes, she’ll only eat breakfast if she’s wearing wellies. She insisted on red Start-Rite shoes this season, though I tried to suggest blue. She loves her handbags - actually, they’re mine and bloody nice, pricey ones too - but Georgia has appropriated them as her own and I’m powerless to protest. She’s very girly – but that’s probably because I rarely have her in trousers. While I’m still able to exert some control over what she wears, then frocks, skirts and cardies it is!
     Where Felix is blonde and blue eyed, Georgia is much darker and hazel-eyed… and guess what,
I’m now brunette. I was feeling particularly melodramatic early in the autumn and I flounced in to a local salon proclaiming “Conkers! I’m thinking conkers!” with a toss of my head. Luckily, the colourist is used to us histrionic Muswell Hill types and after a blissful two hours in which I read every issue of Hello, Ok, Closer, Now and Heat – recent and out of date – my hair was indeed the colours of conkers.
     Andy just about noticed I’d gone from blonde to conker. But, as he admits, he’s a northern bloke and they don’t notice things like that. (To say nothing of not noticing things like there’s washing to hang out or nappies to change or nowt int’ fridge…!!) We had a bit of a drama during our summer hols to Spain. Andy herniated a disc and ended up in Spanish hospital for a week (on quite staggering amounts of valium and morphine – to say he was away with the fairies is an understatement.) He was then stretchered back to the UK. The disc, unusually, squirted upwards, rather than out to the side, and it’s impinged a nerve associated with the right leg. Andy currently has NO knee-jerk reflexes and poor bloke walks with what I’ll kindly call ‘a bit of a stilted gait’. It’ll take a few more months before the spring to his step returns. I have to admit I’m not a very good nurse – I started off nice and caring with a gentle line in ‘there there’ and much tender mopping of fevered brow. However, before long I was muttering “pick it up yourself, Hopalong”.
     When I first started writing – giving up my PhD in the process – my alarmed mother would oft proclaim ‘darling – but when are you going to get a proper job?’. My father has never read beyond the first 21 words of Sally – because the 22nd is a bit rude. Anyway, you may have noticed that I dedicated PIP to my parents. Well, this autumn has been wonderful because my ma and pa celebrated their 40th Wedding Anniversary. They really are the most romantic couple – still handy-holdy after all these years. They organised day long celebrations for family and closest friends. We took a boat along the Thames to a gorgeous restaurant and then back again. Andy made a great compilation of music from 1964 and my folks and their pals jived their hearts out on deck – much to the amusement of my brother and I… and the throngs of tourists lining Tower Bridge and the Embankment. The day ended in a screening room in Soho where we all had a picnic supper and watched a private showing of Casablanca. Here’s to you, Mum and Dad – can’t wait for your 50th!
     Finn. Well, who would have thought my lovely pony (I don’t know why I think of him as a pony when he’s actually a strapping 16.2hh Belgian Warmblood) would come back into my life? You may remember that I came to the tough decision to sell him in 2002 because I’d bought him as a young competition prospect before I was pregnant with Felix but soon found I simply couldn’t coordinate my commitments as a pregnant Mummy, writer, rider. However, I’d asked his new owner to give me first refusal if Finn was ever to be sold… and that call came in March! Well, I’m a softy and though it was daft and impractical, of course I had him back. Though I hadn’t seen him for a couple of years we had a very sweet reunion. I put him back with the lovely Lyn Jones at Coldicote Sports Horses (where he’d been before) which is just far enough away for me not to be able to pop up the whole time. He went into training (he’d had quite a lax couple of years) and it was as if suddenly everything started to click – his body caught up with his brain and vice versa, judges fell in love with him and he quickly qualified for the Winter Championships. Recently, I let him go again (with first refusal of course…) and I’m chuffed that his fabulous new owner Jackie also happens to be an avid reader of my books! She has given Finn a gorgeous home in Yorkshire – so best of all, I can give Finn a hug en route to visiting Andy’s family. There is a new boy in my life, a young Irish horse called Nathan – but I’ll tell you about him next time.

November 2003

Well, it was a long, hot summer but I made sure I did a couple of cool things (other than allow Felix to drench me with the hosepipe). Andy turned 40 and we had a fabulous weekend in Stockholm. We went to see the Rolling Stones and were privileged to partake of the whole VIP/ backstage experience. Though I don't do name-dropping, suffice it to say, we met some lovely people and enjoyed a spectacular concert, strutting our funky stuff alongside a great Swedish audience. What a gorgeous city. We hope to return in the winter to experience a very different side of it - dog-sleds and all.
    Pip was launched on August 7th and I’ve posted up some photos from the party. It was a sultry evening during that extreme hot spell so it was cool in every sense of the word to have the party up on the roof-deck of Soho House. I hasten to add that I went to bed very late and awoke with a cracking headache. In the room downstairs was a party for the Chelsea Players. We wondered whether the Chelsea Players might have been some Acapela music troupe. Or perhaps a group of progressive mime artists or backgammon fanatics We then realised they were footballers. And we felt just a little smug that they were cooped up and sweltering downstairs while we all wafted about on the roof... Anyway, I’m an Arsenal girl, myself...
    Also in August we went to see the Stones (again) backstage (again). They were supported by the stupendous Tim Burgess whose first solo album I implore you all to buy.
     In September, I was burgled of every single piece of jewellery I’ve ever owned over my 35 years. Much of it belonged to my grandmas - Grandma Jeannette I lost just before I was pregnant with Felix. Grandma Rennie died 5 days after the burglary. The police were useless - it happened during the day when the house had been empty for just 30 mins. We reckon I must have disturbed them. The chain was on the front door but I was able to unhook it from the outside. Then I saw the back door broken. I phoned 999 to report it and was scared that they might still be upstairs. This was at 2 pm. The police finally came at 9 a.m the following morning. My upset phonecall later in the day to ask where they were was met with "Don’t raise your voice to me, lady". Charming. They’re too busy stopping motorists for doing 35 mph in a 30 mph zone... Even when they took a statement, they weren’t remotely interested in my offer to illustrate certain items stolen. Anyway, what’s the point in dwelling on it - and what’s the point in even hoping they’ll recover my belongings.
     Grandma died on 15th September. She was an amazing women and a huge character. She had confounded all the specialists at the Royal Free Hospital by coming back from the brink of death 9 times over the last 15 months. She’d go into complete heart failure - and would then sit up and ask for a cup of tea or chastise the Resus team for losing her dentures whilst trying to save her... Up until a year or so ago, she’d take the bus from north London all the way to Stepney "to visit the elderly" - in a home where they were mostly at least a decade younger than Grandma! We all had a lovely extra 15 months with her - it was special too that she got to know her great-granddaughter, Baby Georgia. Felix adored her - I’d often make them both the same supper - sausage, peas and chips (all organic, I hasten to add) and ketchup and they’d sit and munch together, best of friends. I’ll miss her very much.
     I have started writing the seventh novel - and am enjoying myself already. The key players are Alice Heggarty, Thea Luckmore, Mark Sinclair and Saul Mundy - but that’s all I’m giving you for now...! The current competition will close 30th November - so see if you can answer that very very difficult question... I’ll post up more news soon - but send my best wishes and gratitude to all of you - thanks, as ever, for your tremendous support.

July 2003

Well, on February 4th 2003, Georgia Jeannette came flying into this world (I’m not exaggerating). I had one contraction at 9.30 pm. I went upstairs to hang out the washing. I had another contraction at 9.35 pm and after that I couldn’t speak, let alone stand upright to load the dishwasher! My brother arrived at 10 pm to look after Felix and we arrived at hospital with just under 20 minutes to go. My language was choice and colourful to say the least but no one seemed to mind! The lovely midwife (hullo Charlotte) kept me sane by cleverly pretending that Epidural Man was just round the corner. Actually, there was no time even for any gas-and-air, let alone something stronger. The yoga ball, my whale-music cd’s, my aromatherapy candle, my extremely expensive facial spritzer, didn’t even make it into the hospital! I can safely say I have now done the Natural Birth/ Earth Mother thing... In fact, when Georgia was born and Andy told me we had a daughter, I hadn’t a clue what he was on about. It had all happened so quickly I really didn’t have the chance to realize I was in labour - let alone that I now had my second child and was no longer pregnant! Our little girl is an absolute poppet - please indulge me putting so many photos of her on the website!
    Felix adores her and refers to her as 'Bebe Joo Jar'. When he came to visit in hospital he insisted on clambering into the little crib with her, pulling the sheet over them both and saying 'Night Night'. Every morning he rushes in to see her and invariably brings her a Duplo brick or a piece of Brio track. My waking thought each day is what Georgia will wear - we have been showered with beautiful pressies in every shade of pink possible. Of course, we think she looks glorious in just her nappy.
When Georgia was six weeks old, Felix broke his leg. Playing with me. It was ghastly. I was lying flat on my stomach on his bedroom floor and he roly-poly-ed over me (one of his favourite games). He landed peculiarly and I heard a little click. He'd broken his right leg. 6 hours later, our little boy is on morphine, valium, paracetemol and ibuprofen with his leg in traction secured by 3 lbs of weights. He remained like that for a fortnight then went under anaesthetic to have a hip-spica cast fitted. This was a fibre-glass and plaster of paris monstrosity which started above his waist and went down to the knee of his good leg, down to the ankle of his bad leg with a pole between his legs. At least we could bring him home. He weighed a tonne and because there was only a tiny space left open for a newborn-size nappy, it wasn’t long before he started to whiff a bit too. He had his second birthday in his cast but throughout his ordeal he was calm and patient and simply got on with his life, slithering around our wooden floors on his tummy while we constructed increasingly complex Brio train-track routes for him to play with!
    The cast came off after a month and then he had to teach himself to crawl and then walk again. It’s been fascinating to watch. He’s too young for physio, though we took him swimming every day when his cast was off. Rather than limp, he instinctively slowed his pace right down so he could walk evenly. It is now 6 weeks since the cast came off and he really is back to his old self. In fact, in the beautiful weather, he’s spent most of it stark naked in the garden slathered in Factor 50 watering my plants and himself with the hose.
    I’ve seen the finished copies of Pip and if I say so myself, I think she looks lovely! She’ll be in the bookshops from August 7th. I’ve re-read a little and really enjoyed it... so I hope you will to. I can’t believe there are no more McCabe sisters for me to write about. I’ve lived with those girls for the last 4 years and I’m going to miss them so much. I’m already excited about my new novel which will feature the ups, downs, ins and outs of two best friends. I’ll start writing in September and hopefully you’ll have it within the year.
    Socialising has been on hold somewhat, what with brand new Georgia and then poor old Felix but I did have a wonderful time at Fiona Walker's launch party for her fabulous new novel Lots of Love. Jessica Adams (how I LONG for her new book!) Jane Owen, Wendy Holden and Mike Gayle were there. We ate gorgeous melt in the mouth canapés, drank lots of fabulous pink drinks that changed my laugh to a manic cackle instantly, and the tables were strewn with heart-shaped chocs and those funny Loveheart sweets. I can’t wait for my launch part in August - I’m growing my hair because it’s certainly going to a night when I pack the kids off to my parents so I can let my hair down, drink colourful cocktails and do more manic cackling...
    Well, I hope I haven’t bored you to sleep or hysteria. I’ll sign off now and go and drench Felix with the hose. Before I sign off, many of you have contacted me wondering if the sculptor in Fen was real or fictitious. Well, he was but a figment of my imagination! However, my research entitled me to many mind-blowing hours at the Musee Rodin in Paris (nicely tax-deductible too!)
    I wish you all a glorious summer whether you're going abroad or staying home. Please keep e.mailing me - I reply to everyone (apart from the absolute nutters...) and I love hearing from you.

January 2003

Well, there's a bit of catching up for me to do for you... August was a quiet month during which I really knuckled down to Pip - it wasn't all work and no play, though - Jessica Adams's launch party for her wonderful novel "I'm a Believer" was fun. It would have been more fun had I not been in the throes of morning sickness which, for me, was all-day, all-night sickness. I stuck to mineral water but toasted my pal and her publishers. September was exciting with Fen rampaging up the charts. It was thrilling to see her strutting her stuff at no.4 so a big thanks to all of you who helped her on her way. I spoke at the Cheltenham and Guildford literary festivals, both of which were fun and rewarding. I also visited loads of bookshops including many in the Hammicks and Methvens chains - a warm thank you to the staff who give my girls a fantastic helping hand.
I spent the autumn devoted to Pip - plus selling our house and buying another. We've moved about a mile away and gone from Victorian to Edwardian. It's lovely having large square rooms - and a real luxury that one of them is a beautiful study. There was little to do to the house apart from a lick of paint here and there. I often have a giggle at the bathroom - I call it a 'hotel bathroom' on account of its state-of-the-art taps, double sinks, separate shower and bath so huge I can do lengths in it.
I finished Pip the week of my birthday in late November and, predictably, had a good sob. My publishers are planning to publish her in August 2003. I'll miss the McCabe girls - we've shared some amazing times over the last 4 years. Some wacky and wild, some sobering and tough. However, I have a feeling that they'll come back again - the three of them together - in a couple of books time. Currently, though I'm meant to be on maternity leave, I find my mind wondering to the two best friends who are to dominate my 7th novel. I'm going to start writing again in the summer. Perhaps before - if Felix and Baby allow! Christmas was gorgeous up in North Yorkshire and I'll be posting photos of us all on Saltburn beach on Christmas morning, soon. New Year, though, was the dullest on record. Being then 8 months pregnant and knackered from the house move, it was as much as I could do to stay awake until 12.10 a.m. We had Sainsbury's ready meals for supper and watched The Great Escape for the zillionth time on DVD.
Well, I'd better go and have my afternoon nap as I predict it won't be long at all before months of sleepless nights. Felix reckons everyone has a baby in their tummies - including himself. Watch this space for 'the news'! Keep in touch - but forgive me if my replies aren't prompt.

July 2002

Hullo folks. All is ticking along here - though I am now officially without horse and consequently, still a little sulky. Oh well, in a couple of years, I'll be sure to raid Felix's pocket money and buy myself a new one... I've been out to Spain for lots of long weekends at a gorgeous place we bought last year with Andy's brother. It's near Marbella but by a suprisingly unspoilt stretch of coastline which is a protected nature reserve. Though this means lots of stunning wild flowers scattered through the dunes, it also means an army of shiny black beetles (also protected). Give me a 17 hands stallion any day - bugs and creepy crawlies I CANNOT cope with! I tiptoe and hyperventilate my way to the beach. Felix has discovered that sand is quite tasty and filling and that licking sea water from his toes is thirsty work. Luckily, he hasn't tried to eat the beetles. Yet. His current obsession is to drink through a straw - he takes great sips which pucker up his face, then grins widely (er, wildly?) for approval, though this means most the juice flows back out of his mouth... He is walking now too - though it's more of a drunken stagger. He's said his first words - "Garden" followed by "Daddy" and "Juice" but as yet, nothing sounding remotely like Mummy, Ma, Mum, Mother, Mama. I'm trying not to take it personally....
Pip is progressing - but I'm not going to tell you what she's up to! The publishers are planning a publicity tour for Fen and Yours Truly in October - hopefully this will incorporate the South East and West, the Midlands, the North and Scotland and Wales too. I'll be sure to post my schedule up once it's finalised! It would be great to meet some of you en route. Well, just time to wish all of you a fabulous summer, whether you're off to foreign climes or just chilling out at home. If you'd like a couple of recommendations for holiday reading, may I suggest Jessica Adams's new novel "I'm a Believer". I think it's stunning. I laughed, I wept, I wished I'd written it! I also read John O'Farrell's "The Best A Man Can Get" which I thoroughly enjoyed. Then there's Big Night Out which you can dip in and out of for ages. Ta ra for now. Keep in touch - you know how I love to hear from you all.